Sorry I have been gone for quite a while.  Some things have been going on around my house and in my life and I just had to sort through them all.  Actually I have not yet sorted through them all but I have gotten myself back up out of that slump that my family seems to enjoy my being in.  I think it makes them feel getter when I feel depressed and miserable.  Whatever their reasons are for treating me the way they do, they are not sharing with me.  I am, however, trying very hard to not take too much of it anymore... thus the reason for not being on here as much... I have found that if I keep myself busy off the computer they don't complain and get as nasty...

 

They do however claim that they did all the work that I have done lol.... which is funny and ironic considering that they are either gone or asleep while I am doing most of the work. (which is also why I am on at this moment - everyone is either sleeping or working or at school and I have done a heck of a lot of work since 7 a.m. this morning).  They do not see anything wrong or flawed in how they behave and think.  I suppose I can not fault them for that... I see it all the time in the society of today... I stopped writing because I looked back and realized that by my complaining I realized that my complaining was nothing more than what they were doing on a different level.  I was being self centered as well... I realize that I mean very little to them other than a person to clean up after them and drop everything to do whatever it is that they want... I realized that Mrfit has his personal and private reasons for not wanting to be seen with me or to have me outside of this house except for when I am in uniform under someone else's supervision (oh yeah, the supervisor is a close personal friend of mine and Mrfit's)...

 

As for the work around the house... I have been told several times not to do certain things because of my leg... I have no choice now but to do those things because I can't get anyone to help me do those things... it is a matter of necessity that I am forced to do things that my leg doesn't need me to do... I am learning that I can work through a lot of pain once again... just wish I didn't have to...

 

I lost most of my raspberry plants over the summer... I think that that is due to the fact that no one would go out and water my yard or my gardens... plants tend to die when not tended to... it is like that with people too... they tend to wither and die when not tended to...

 

The races start Saturday night here... the weather forecasts say it will rain... we will see... it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other anymore... I lost my supervisor position because of my broken leg... I can't prove that that is the reason he took it from me but he did... and we are starting the racing season without a supervisor... it should be quite the experience... All of the officials at the racetrack were giving me the instructions for this weekend just like nothing had happened and I kept telling them I would let the supervisor know... then my boss tells me I will have to make sure that the other guards are where they need to be and doing what they need to be.... hmmmmmm sounds like a supervisor responsibility to me... and because I am no longer being paid to be supervisor I guess my boss will have to go to the racetrack to make sure things are in order himself...   I can't tell you how much it hurts my feelings and makes me angry that he did that... considering I have been working for him longer than any of the rest of the guards...  I suppose I should talk to him about it... but it won't do any good... so why bother at this point...

 

I know that God won't give me any more than I can handle but sometimes I wish and I pray that just for a little bit I can have a bit of happiness and peace without all the pain and stress and other bs that I have to endure... Don't worry about me... pray for me... I will be on here more now... I have discovered that if I work late into the evening when they are all around that I don't get into near as much trouble as it were...