Jill's profileJill's Coffeeshop - Th...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
November 29 New chapter of LifeTo all my friends: Warning parts of this some may find offensive - please do not read if you get offended easily by how others feel... or by the words they use to describe them...
I am sorry I have not been on in forever. My life has been on a rollercoaster for a very long time. Between my leg and my family, I have not exactly been myself. I will fill in the details...
They took the metal out of my leg in September. It turns out it was the screws I was feeling all along. I am allergic to metals. I knew this before the surgery. Didn't think to tell them about it because it is usually just earrings and rings and necklaces. Never thought about what it would do on the inside. That part of the pain has been gone since they took the metal out. My bones are still real thin and they are telling me I have the onset of post traumatic osteo-arthitis in it. The cold is killing it right now. And we have cold without the snow
 which sucks big time for the end of November. I wasn't supposed to go back to the Dr. until July but something more serious has come up and am being forced to go December 8th.Now don't worry, other than the cold hurting it, IT is fine... but here is where the rest of the trouble begins...
As many of you know, my marriage has been in a lot of trouble. I have spent the time I have not been on here trying to save it and one of the things that Mrfit, whom I might add is not fit anymore, wanted was for me to be off the computer more. So I complied. I did everything he asked me to. The more I did the more he wanted and the more controlling and demanding he got. I wasn't allowed to leave without him or my daughter being with me and had to answer all of his questions while he gave the response when I asked "it's my life and I need some privacy." So I did what he asked.
When it came to our daughter, I was not supposed to yell at her or make her do chores if she didn't choose to because it caused fights all the time and she knew her father would side with her. That didn't help the situation at all because it would cause fights between him and I. So I stopped fighting with her and became what I affectionate called myself a lot of the time as either their little nigga bitch or their isrealite slave... I used both a lot the last few months because my daughter objected to me calling myself a nigga bitch and her massa... not much difference between the two though... both had to endure Many many hardships and years of pain and suffering at the hands of others, doing all the work while those around got fat and lazy.
After I quit yelling at my daughter, the distance between my husband and I just kept getting farther and farther and deeper and deeper. I knew something wasn't right but was lied to time after time after time... I kept asking him if he was having an affair knowing that the signs, smells, and things I was enduring were all part of what those cheating on their spouses were a part of.
Two weeks ago my world crashed.
He came home about hours early from one of his practicals for his paramedic schooling. He said he had a confession to make, that he was having an affair and that Abbie had told her husband early that morning and that he was leaving me and taking my daughter with him. Now you should know that Abbie and her husband Hank were friends of ours. I should also tell you that Abbie is 27 years old and Mike and I will be 40 within the next 8 months. Abbie's husband is 32 and was completely blindsided by this. Like I said I had watched the signs because of my own education. Needless to say This still hurt like hell and I was as angry as could be. He gathered up a lot of his stuff and almost all of Becca's stuff and took it to his parent's house. And Abbie went and made Hank leave thier house. That is where they spent the first night. Then Hank got wise and made my husband leave his house. Which meant that becca and him had no place to sleep. His parents do not like what he did or how he decided to leave me. They will not allow her on thier property at all... they do not want mike to come back home but do not want her there at all. She is not even allowed to call on the phone for him if he or becca are at mike's parents house. That made them pretty much homeless. The second night he let becca stay at a friend's house so she wasn't sleeping in a cold truck. And his parents told him that they would file for permanent custody of Becca if that was how he was going to parent her, by pawning her off on other people so he could have his fun with the twit.
That is where I put my foot down and told him that I would take him for everything if he didn't return Becca to me, that he wasn't going to pawn my daughter off on others and I would be damned if his parents were going to get her when I was perfectly capable of raising my own daughter. So She came back home. He spent the next few days taking part of his things out of the house (an hour a day) and trying to find a place to live so he could take Becca away from me again...
He found a place... not where he wants it or needs it to be but it is a month by month lease so when he finds one in Evergreen (which is the little community we live in outside of Kalispell) it will work.
I MUST SAY NOW THAT WE ARE ENDING THIS AS FRIENDS AND AS NICELY AS POSSIBLE....
We took care of getting his name off most of our bills. We still have a few things to iron out and we are not filing for the divorce until after the new year- mostly for tax reason. Our only major fight is over what the state of Montana calls maintainance aka alimony... I can prove beyond a shadow of doubt that he has supported me for the last 16 years. He doesn't want to pay any of it. That is why I have to go to the dr on December 8th. To see if the dr will close the file saying I am either partially disabled because of my break or that I am as healed as I am going to be and have the Workers Comp close my case so he doesn't have to pay anything to me. I get the house but his name is still on it which means he gets my insurance account number and will get a good part of the check if anything happens to the house. His name is still on my blazer as well which means he will get any of that money too. He promises me that he would give it all to me but right now his word doesn't mean much to me unless I get it in writing and he signs it.
Becca is the one that came up with the custody plan. I get her one week then one week with him and I get her every Wednesday. I get her the first week of the month - every month- so that she can continue with her church youth activities that she does.
I must add now that my faith is still as strong as it always was ... BUT I NEED A LOT OF PRAYERS TO GET ME THROUGH THIS. ALTHOUGH WE ARE DOING THIS AS FRIENDS IT STILL HURTS A LOT AND I HAVE HAD TO ASK A LOT OF PEOPLE IF GOD WAS GOING TO PUNISH ME FOR WHAT IS GOING ON. AND GOD HAS BEEN SPEAKING TO ME A LOT THE LAST TWO WEEKS.
I really don't want the divorce but have spent 16 years trying to make that man happy and if this is what makes him happy then so be it. I get my house, my blazer and pretty much everything that we have ever obtained throughout our marraige... he even left me his dog. There was a big fight over the toyota that he came into our marriage with. He gave it to me a few years ago when it broke down and doesn't remember that. He was trying to sell it to his sister. They still want to buy it and I finally gave in to it but they don't have the money. AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO CLEAN UP THE CRAP HE LEFT HERE THAT IS ALL HIS... so he came up with the perfect solution. I get the toyota to do with as I please for cleaning up his garbage.....
But the day after he told me that he said he was going to call Child protective services on me because of all the garbage and crap in my house... that they would understand boxes when he was just moving in but would not understand piles and piles (16 years worth) of garbage all over his areas and that I would not be able to prove it was his... lol I don't think he realizes his name is on most of it.
SO I TOLD HIM I WOULD GO AFTER THE TOTAL AMOUNT THAT THE STATE OF MONTANA ALLOWS IN ALIMONY IF HE DID THAT which is $10,000 a year for every year over 10 years. That totals out to be $60,000 and he doesn't have that and doesn't want to pay that so that ended the cps call.
Most everything we have agreed on without too many fights. I even have a couple of my male friends talking to me again. Yes I am being careful. I know that rebound relationships don't usually last. I am not looking for a long term relationship right now... Just some friendly male companionship - friendship - to go do things with when I want to go out and do things....
I have all the paperwork for the divorce... Almost everything is agreed upon... just have to put it in the paperwork... Like I said we are actually ending this as friends... We still love each other... always will... just are not IN LOVE with each other and have very little in common anymore.
I am looking for a job as well... My security guard job - which I haven't been allowed to work very much because of my knee - slows down in the winter - and I have to be able to support myself... and Becca on my weeks... But jobs are hard to get right now because there are many many comanies laying people off here or closing completely ... one job I applied for had 272 people apply for it. So am still looking ...
God bless you all... I will keep writing to tell you more but I need to go wipe my eyes and run an errand for my daughter... she is at her dad's sick as can be and needs her mom to bring her something lololol.....
PLEASE PRAY FOR STRENGTH, PEACE OF HEART AND HEALING FOR US ALL... WE ALL NEED IT...
THANK YOU
|
|
|
